How to Save a Life
by Laffy-Taffy0401
Summary: And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life. Songfic. Rated M for: smut, dark themes. ONE SHOT


**How to Save a Life**

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**Step one; you say you need to talk. **

The sun came up and shone a light through their bedroom window – the first sign that it was going to be a good day. Clary lifted herself out of bed, tugging the covers away from her boyfriend's body as she went, leaving him sleeping soundlessly in all his naked glory as she tip-toed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a quiet thud.

She showered and dressed herself before she re-entered the bedroom. The bed was empty, the covers pulled up and tucked neatly under the pillows. He was always a control freak and she was glad that that part of him never changed.

At the end of the bed were her clothes from last night, folded carefully. Her bra and panties had been laid in the laundry basket.

She bit her lip and ducked out of the room, making her way into the kitchen.

He was already sitting at the dining table, a mug of coffee in his hand with the steam rising in spirals. He was staring outside, eyes trained on something in the backyard Clary couldn't quite see.

"Jace?" She mumbled. He didn't turn at first. He sat with hunched shoulders, lifeless and nonchalant. When he did turn, his eyes were sad.

"Yeah, Clary," he measured his words with a polite smile.

"We need to talk," She spoke aloud. She shouldn't have been surprised that the words came out hurried and pathetic, even after hours of practicing them in front of the mirror.

Jace's expression didn't change. He set his mug on the table, and stood slowly. He furrowed his brow.

"What about, Clary?" He asked, and offered a smile at the end.

"Jace…" she started apprehensive. She couldn't find the words to finish.

A moment into the silence he let his expression faded and strode past her. She latched on to the back of his shirt calmly.

"Clary, we can talk later," he spoke lightly, trying to shake her off. But she tightened her grip.

**He walks away, you say sit down, it's just a talk.**

"Please, Jace, just sit," She pleaded.

He sighed then mutely did as she asked, shaking his head as he perched himself on the chair.

"It's just a talk," she tried to smiled, as she sat across from him. **He smiles politely back at you. You stare politely right on through.**

She trained her eyes on the window to her right, and heaved a sigh.

Jace's eyes, wide and innocent, were focusing on your features as they shifted delicately.

"God, you're beautiful," he let out, taking Clary's hands in his. She let him entwine his fingers in hers, watching him work out a smile.

"Jace," she spoke carefully, "I think you know what this is about." He fidgeted in his seat, and shook off your words with a grin.

**Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life.**

She gripped his hands tightly as she spoke, feeling everything she had been too afraid to say, rush out of her, "You know that I love you, you know that, and I would do anything for you. But I have to say something. I can't just do nothing because I'm worried about you, and I want you to understand why."

**Let him know that you know best, cause after all you do know best. Try to slip past his defense without granting innocence.**

"We've been together for so long, and I love you so much, Jace," she spoke and felt the tears brimming at the lids of her eyes, "but you've changed." He shook his head, and let out a sigh, "and please don't pretend that you haven't, because you have, Jace. You're not the same, and _we're_ not the same." **Lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you've told him all along. **"Okay? You… you're withdrawn, and moody. We never talk anymore; you never say anything. And it's not just to me; it's to everyone. I've spoken to Alec and Izzy, they feel the same way. Hell, even Magnus and Simon see it."

He yanked his hands from her grip on the table, and folded them on his lap. His eyes travelled from the window to the ceiling to the other side of the room.

"No, Clarissa. We… we're fine. And _I'm fine_." The smile he gave her when he finished speaking made the tears welling in her eyes finally spill down her cheeks.

"Jace," She leant forward, "you're not fine. Please, you need help." She looked at him desperately, and thought about the months he hadn't spoken proper sentences to her, the nights he'd leave the house and drive for hours with no direction in mind, the days he'd spend in bed, refusing to look her in the eyes, the broken gaze he gave her when she tried to embrace him, the lifeless tone implied in his voice as he attempted a real conversation with anyone, the breaking of her heart as she watched him die from the inside out. **And pray to God he hears you, and pray to God he hears you. **It had to be something she'd done, a major fault she'd caused in the relationship.

"Help?" He scoffed, "I don't need help. Why are you attacking me right now?" He spoke as if he were spitting acid.

"Jace," she wiped at her eyes, and her voice strained, "please don't do this. Every time that I try and talk to you, you either close up completely or yell at me like I'm accusing you of something."

He shot her a gaze, "Clary, you _are_ accusing me of something!" He stood in an instance and glared at her, "And what do you mean, you've spoken to Alec and Izzy? What, you guys have secret meetings without me or something?" **As he begins to raise his voice, you lower yours and grant him one last choice.**

Her eyes cast downward, "Please, Jace. I can't take this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I am so afraid of everything, and of losing you. But I don't know you anymore, you're not the same boy I fell in love with." Each syllable felt like a heavy stone being thrown.

Jace fisted his hands in his hair, and let out a disbelieving laugh, a scoff that meant he didn't, and couldn't, believe the words that were coming out of his girlfriend's mouth.

"I don't believe this," he said quietly, his body still. He paced to the kitchen counter and pulled his car keys from the little porcelain bowl.

"Jace, no," She pleaded as she stood up.

"I'll be back later," he murmured, with eyes glazed, and left her by the dining table.

She flinched as the front door slammed shut. **Drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones you've followed. **

She burst into tears, holding her face in her hands.

The plan she had formulated in her head had run into the ground.

She carried herself into the bedroom, and forced the door shut roughly.

She collapsed on the bed, and finally broke down.

Every little moment she'd ever shared with Jace fell in a heap at her feet; their first kiss in the Greenhouse, the magical flower blooming behind them, to that night at the Seelie Queen's, to that moment in Idris where fireworks erupted in the sky, laying in his arms at night talking about every fear she ever had, and every dream she ever wanted to see come true, the way he used to look at her with the epitome of passion and desire in his eyes, him singing her to sleep at night, his voice like a breath in her ear.

Clary fell asleep with tear tracks staining her cheeks, her eyes red and sore and a hard lump stuck in her throat.

She awoke a few hours later with a start, her chest heaving as the panic of the moment caught her by surprise. It took her a second to notice Jace, sitting with his back hunched at the end of the bed. He was facing away from her.

She bit her lip in hesitation, one hand out, longing to touch him.

"Jace?" She croaked. **He will do one of two things. He will admit to everything, or he'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came.**

He turned, taking her in his arms, gently leaning her back and laid his body on top of hers.

He found her lips and kissed her roughly.

A groan erupted from her throat before she closed her eyes, and laced his bottom lip with her tongue. He parted his lips, and met her tongue with his, grazing her lips with his teeth.

She tried to mute her thoughts and enjoy the feel of his hands on her waist, running up and down her skin until finally bunching the material of her shirt, revealing her stomach.

He was silent as he trailed kisses from her lips to the sweet spot at the base of her jaw.

He left hot, wet kisses along her collarbones, trailing down her body before his tongue rested on her stomach, circling her bellybutton.

She gripped fistfuls of his golden curls in her hands, tugging as the passion she thought was buried suddenly surged.

She felt his warm breath at the button of her jeans, before she heard him popping it open and easing down the zipper.

He tore his hands away from her to pull his t-shirt over his head.

She managed to catch a glimpse of his taut torso, gleaning in the sun before he bent his body over her, and nipped her bottom lip, delivering quick kisses that only lasted a second.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her breath quickening as he hurried her shirt up her chest, and over her head.

He tossed it to the side, as she removed her bra. There was a nagging feeling at the back of her head telling her something wasn't right – more so than usual. But it quickly vanished as he cupped her breasts in both hands, sucking lightly on the nipple.

She felt heat pooling between her legs as her heartbeat rose and he flicked her hardening nipple with his tongue. He caught the other in between his thumb and forefinger and rubbed methodically.

Clary reached her hand to encircle him, massaging his upper back with her fingertips, the muscles there rippling as he made his way down to her open jeans.

With careful hands, he eased them down her legs. He pulled them away at her feet, and held her calves in his hands.

The kisses he left there were lasting. She felt her skin tingle where his lips made contact. He came back up and rested his weight against her again.

For the first time since she'd woken up, he looked her in the eyes. He held her face in one hand, the other holding her waist delicately as if she were made of glass.

"Do you love me?" He whispered, in a voice like an innocent child.

"Of course I do, Jace," she breathed, her body writhing beneath him with want and desire, aching for him.

"I love you too," he nodded, his eyes boring into Clary's.

He kissed her lightly, with a quick breath and a heave of his chest.

She reached up and held onto his face as she kissed him.

A few moments later her hands were busying undoing the front of his khaki's, sending them down his legs, leaving his erection to press hard against her bare thigh. He tugged at her panties with one hand grazing her softly with the tips of his fingers.

"Mmm," She bit her lips as she moaned at the sensation and hugged him closer to her body.

He stroked lightly, making her shiver and gasp when he slipped in his finger, curving to hit a spot.

The heat between the two of them rose as Clary struggled to keep her breathing rhythmical. His forehead pressed against hers as he quickened his pace, inserting another finger as he filled her almost completely.

His thumb pressed hard against her clit, his fingers thrusting harder, and his breath a huff that came out in tune with hers.

Her legs trembled, and her feet curled as he worked. The pleasure emitting from her was making her tense and gasping out loudly. Her arms held Jace tighter, her eyes closed as her orgasm crept up on her. He pulled his fingers out, and she suddenly felt cold.

"Jace," She managed to say, out of breath.

"Baby…" he murmured, his lips pressed against her neck.

She relaxed at the sound of his words, the vibrations from his throat against her skin. He guided his hard length into her entrance, his knuckles against her clit as he pushed himself further into her.

She gasped aloud at the difference in size. Her eyes shut trying to bask in the feel of him. Her hips bucked and her back arched as he pulled out, only to drive back into her even deeper than before.

It was an entirely new kind of pleasure. His hips found a rhythm with hers. His hot breath ran from her neck to her collarbones. He held her close in his arms as his hips banged against hers.

She let her hands fall back against the bed fisting into the sheets, the sweat on his palms clinging to hers, his fingers entwined in hers, squeezing hard. He closed his eyes, and let out a low moan. She did the same.

She was so close to coming again, but she wanted – needed – the moment to last. Pleasure ripped at whatever she was clinging to in the seconds that followed.

She screamed out his name, as he thrust into her deeply. She felt her walls tighten around him; her orgasm rolling over her, leaving her tired and exhausted.

He finally let himself go following after her.

He relaxed on top of her, his breath ragged. He pulled out, and pressed his forehead to hers. He squeezed his eyes shut, and Clary watched as tears escaped his lids. It confused her and hurt her. Her stomach knotting as he eased himself off her making his way to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

She lay in silence, as her own tears formed.

After a few minutes, she tugged at the covers and curled up into a ball. Her heart was heavy and her lids were drooping.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

**Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life.**

When she awoke for the second time, all she could focus on was the silence.

It was dark outside when Clary glanced at the window and her mind was sluggish as if she'd been asleep for days rather than hours.

She lifted her body from the bed and found a shirt on the floor about three sizes to big. As she inhaled the familiar scent of Jace, her stomach coiled. Something didn't feel right.

She looked around the room, and saw everything the same. It took her a moment to notice the thin slivers of light that ran across the floor from the closed bathroom door – the light was on in there.

She remembered Jace had been in there when she had fell asleep.

She rubbed her eyes to feel more awake as she made her way over to the door. She turned the knob and stepped inside, with a yawn that she tried to stifle.

Looking back, she couldn't remember what was worse; the piercing shot that ran through her heart and dropped her to the floor in the split second that her breath became a distorted jumble caught in her throat, the mess of blood scattered on the tiled floor, or the sight of Jace with his wrists slit, his golden eyes dull and dilated and his body caked with his own blood.** And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life.**

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**Wow my stories are slowly turning more depressing and smutty.**

**Gotta admit, my tummy rolled as I wrote this.**

**Sorry for the character death =/**

**Based upon the song, How to Save a Life by The Fray**

**Feedback? Also, if you REALLY need or want me to reply, put this * in your review!**

**=)**


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